


Careful of What You Say

by dragons_and_angels



Series: Sin Bin Fills [8]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Communication, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 03:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10653939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragons_and_angels/pseuds/dragons_and_angels
Summary: Even now, they were still navigating through the unexpected.





	Careful of What You Say

**Author's Note:**

> Deanon from the kink meme. Prompt 'Abuse either physical or emotional by a previous partner has given A some problems in their current relationship.
> 
> Maybe their self esteem is in the toilet, and they need reassurance that their affection isn't only tolerated but wanted.
> 
> Maybe they stay stock-still during sex - the previous partner got annoyed when they moved out of position.
> 
> Something as simple as going out for dinner - half the time he expects to get berated for his choice in suits and making his partner look bad.
> 
> And it takes him a long time to stop flinching during normal couple arguments.'

Brendan doesn't talk much about his last relationship. But what he does say and more importantly, how he acts with Alex, speaks more than enough.

Two months after Alex had managed to summon up the courage to ask Brendan on a date (like fuck if he knew where that courage came from), he found himself in Brendan's hotel room with Brendan acting more skittish than a rookie before their first NHL game.

"What's going on?" Alex asked, his voice soft. Brendan could ignore the question if he wanted, Alex had learned not to push.

Brendan looked at him and took a deep breath. On the exhale, he slowly lifted his hands and pulled his T-shirt off in small, economical movements. Seeing Brendan's body in the hotel light was a hell of a lot different than seeing it in the locker room and when he started to unbutton his pants, Alex's body started to respond. It would even be sexy if it wasn't for the look on Brendan's face. 

"What are you doing?" Alex asked, holding up a hand to forestall Brendan taking off his pants. Normally he would be all for it but Brendan's expression was freakishly blank. It was scary and Alex felt completely out of his depth.

"Taking my pants off," Brendan said slowly. His hands were still on his fly but had frozen at Alex's question. 

"Why?" Alex's brain was scrambling to catch up.

"Because we're going to have sex," Brendan said, an amused, slightly mocking tone to his voice now. A second later he flinched and the lighter air was gone. He had started doing that a year ago. Whenever he said something Brendan-like, he would get all quiet afterwards as if he regretted saying it. Alex hated it.

"Why?" He and Brendan hadn't had sex yet. Neither of them were ready and the intense making out was more than enough to keep Alex happy. It was Brendan, for God's sake.

"That's why you came here, isn't it?" Brendan turned the question back on him. His face was still and Alex wanted to snap at him to stop it, to show some real emotion and not hide behind the mask he had developed so well.

He sighed and looked away from Brendan as he tried to get his thoughts in order. Anna had said that when he got into first adult relationship he was going to be shocked at how much talking about feelings there was. It went against everything he had been taught, by teammates, classmates and the media to talk about his feelings so openly. Hockey was an aggressive, manly sport and talking about your emotions was anything but. Brendan needed him to verbalise his thoughts though. He made the worst assumptions if Alex said nothing and Alex wasn't going to let that happen again.

He could do it for Brendan.

"I wanted," he said before stalling. Verbalising what he wanted instead of just going for it was weird. "I wanted to cuddle," he said to the bedspread beneath his fingers. "It's nice to go to sleep when you're there." It had happened a few times on Alex's couch but it would be good to try it in a proper bed.

His face felt hot and he snuck a quick glance at Brendan to make sure he wasn't going to laugh at him. As soon as he saw Brendan's face, he stared.

Brendan was looking at Alex like he was the alien one here. "You want to cuddle?" The incredulous tone made it worse and the flush on Alex's cheeks spread to the back of his neck.

"Yeah but maybe I should go." Alex stood and Brendan threw out his hands with a grunt.

This time he was the one that had to take a minute to speak. "You think it's okay that we don't have sex?" He asked. There was a strange tone to his voice that made Alex think that what he said next would be very, very important to their relationship.

"Yes," he said baldly. "I'm tired, I want to cuddle." A part of Alex instinctively cringed and he was so glad Prusty wasn't here to eavesdrop. "And, to be honest, you don't look happy about having sex now." Brendan stared at him for a long minute and Alex resisted the urge to fidget.

"And that's okay?" Brendan's voice was so hesitant and Alex didn't know whether to cry or yell. He wanted to snap at Brendan that he had said it was fine and he would like to go bed now as he was very tired and couldn't deal with more repeated conversations. But he didn't. 

"It's honestly okay." He smiled at Brendan. He didn't try to fool himself, he would keep telling Brendan the truth until Brendan finally believed it.

Neither of them said anything more until they were in the same bed with the lights out. Alex hesitantly curled an arm around Brendan and silently rejoiced when Brendan shifted closer. 

"She would say it's because I'm a guy," Brendan said quietly, the confession a puff of air against Alex's face.

"What?" He asked instinctively and then cursed himself for interrupting.

Brendan shifted a little closer and Alex tucked his arm around a little tighter. "She would say that I'm a guy so I should be up for sex all the time. Sometimes I would say no and she was say I wasn't a real man and then go out and have sex with someone else. When she came back, I had to eat her out while she still smelled like the other guy." Brendan's voice was detached and Alex tried to match his relaxed, easy posture on the bed.

Alex wanted to find this woman and make her pay. He wanted to promise Brendan that he would never get hurt like that again. He wanted to hug Brendan and ask if he could hit her with his hockey stick. He wanted to cry and apologise to Brendan for failing to notice how quiet he got the longer the relationship went on.

None of these things had worked in the past.

"She's wrong," he said simply. He tried to get his voice as level as possible but it was possible that he had failed. "I want to have sex with you when you want to have sex. Not because you think you have to." He couldn't imagine finding out after sex that Brendan had only been going along with it to please Alex.

"Sorry." The apology was a barely heard breath. Alex really wanted to see Brendan's face right now to see if a kiss would be welcome right now. He couldn't tell so he just pulled Brendan that little bit closer.

"You don't have anything to apologise for." Alex's yawn surprised him and he snuggled down against Brendan. Sleep caught up with him quickly.


End file.
